Harry Potter Reincarnated from a Chicken?
by smelly old men that shout
Summary: Harry Potter is acting a little funny lately...Surgeon General's Warning: Severe random randomness, and may be hazardous to your health. However, it is always good to R&R, to test your immune system!
1. Toast in the Great Hall

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting in the Great Hall of Hogwarts eating toast covered in corn kernels and bug guts.

They were all biting into their delectable yet disgusting delight when all of a sudden, Harry let out a loud, _"Brawwwk!"_ Harry and Hermione also noticed he had cleaned his toast of all the corn kernels.

Ron burst into fits of hysteric laughter. Hermione ignored him and turned to Harry, attempting to look serious, unsuccessfully. Harry was beginning to look more and more like a ripe tomato.

"Harry, why did you just make a sound like a deranged chicken?" Hermione asked.

"When?" Harry asked, his eyes looking from Ron to Hermione suspiciously.

"Just now!" Hermione cried.

"And how come you've left all the bug guts on your toast? Because I'll eat 'em for you!" Ron suggested, moving toward Harry's toast.

"Nah. I'll have the guts later. Hey! Look, a corn kernel!" Harry said as he spotted one of the toast toppings on the ground. Harry squatted upon the floor and started pecking at the kernel.

Ron and Hermione stared, eyes wide and mouths open. I mean, wouldn't you?

"Harry, come with me. I think we'd better see the nurse." Hermione stood up and guided Harry to the door.


	2. Silicone: Do Not Eat

**Our Note:** Sorry this chapter is so short guys! Will write more later!

* * *

"Well, I'm afraid the situation is hopeless," Madame Pomfrey said with a sigh.

"There are no potions that could help him?" Hermione said, sounding distressed.

"NO, Hermione," she responded. "The only thing I can do for memories from past lives is a memory charm, and I'm afraid that would wipe his memory completely."

Suddenly Professor Dumbledore arrived, his long silver beard knotted around a ball of caterpillar liver. "Don't ask," he said as everyone stared.

"Anyways, Harry: I have interesting news for you. Come up to my office please," Dumbledore requested as he left the Hospital Wing.

Harry followed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He sighed. Usually when he went up to "Dumble-dwarf's" office he'd have to listen to one of his stupid pointless junky speeches that went on and on and on and took about 4 pages of the book.

Just then he felt something in his pockets! It might be something to get him out of the office! He took the mysterious object out, only to discover a little packet. On it, it said: "Silicone: Do Not Eat." Angrily, Harry stuffed the packet back into his pants. What's the point of silicone if you can't eat it?

Crossly, Harry let out an uncontrollable, _"Brawwwk!"_ Dumbledore turned around and stared at his young pupil for a moment, then continued walking.


	3. Spoofs in Dumbledore's Office

Harry sat in the chair opposite Dumbledore's. Dumbledore held out two pills, one blue and one red.

Harry picked up both and chewed them, making an awful face. Dumbledore looked surprised. "Wonder what eating both will do," he muttered.

"So," said Harry, after swallowing the pills, "What'd you want to talk about?"

"Did I ever tell you what your mother said when you were born?"

"No."

"She said, '_Oh good, I hoped he would get lucky in this life.'_"

Harry looked away. Aw great, another speech.

"And do you know what she said when she was dying?"

"What?"

"She said, _'Tell Merill to swing away.' _You see, she was going a little mental in her late years," Dumbledore explained.

"OK...so why did you call me up here?" Harry asked.

"Well, I have found...that you have been reincarnated from a chicken!" Dumbledore said.

Suddenly some music played in the background: **DUN DUN DUN!**

Harry, not caring, spotted some seeds. "Are those sunflower seeds?" Harry asked, pecking at the seeds. He let out another, _"Brawwwk!"_

* * *

**Our Note:** This chapter has spoofs about the following: the Matrix and Signs. Did you find 'em?


	4. More Mental Madness

Just then, Goyle walked in.

"How did you get in here?" Dumbledore demanded. Goyle walked over to Harry.

He stared into his eyes, and whispered one sentence: _"I see dead people."_

With that, Goyle walked out.

Harry was getting more and more confused. As if to make fun of his confusion, the non-existent phone rang.

"Hello?" Dumbledore said into the phone.

A cold, creepy voice responded. _"Seven days..."_

"What?!?"

"To renew your broomstick insurance!"

Dumbledore groaned and slammed down the receiver. "Telemarketers..."

Harry stood up. "I think I should get back to class." He wished, more than anything, more than life, more than jewels, to leave the office.

"Now, now Harry. Class can wait. About your reincarnation...Now, I do believe your strange birdlike behavior is caused by your past life as a chicken," Dumbledore began another speech.

Just then Cho Chang entered the office, her eyes lowered.

"That's one cute chick!" Harry exclaimed.

"Mr. Potter, behave yourself!" Professor McGonagall said strictly as she entered the office behind Cho.

"And that's one sexy hen! _Brawwwk!"_ Harry clucked loudly.

"What seems to be the problem, Minnie?" Professor Dumbledore asked.

Harry starting guffawing hysterically. "Minnie! Like the mouse! Who's your daddy, Walt Disney? Haw! Minnie Mouse! And who are you Dumbledore? Mickey? You two make a perfect pair!" Harry was now rolling on the floor.

Even Cho now let out a giggle.

"That is enough, kids!"

"We're not goats!" Cho snorted.

Harry let out another_ "Brawwk"_ of laughter.

"BE QUIET, the both of you! Cho, you're already in enough trouble with stealing Professor Flitwick's sausage cupcake! Now I think you two should both go down to your classes," Professor McGonagall ordered.

Cho and Harry were in the hallway walking down together when Harry began flapping his arms.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Cho asked, a tint of suspicion in her voice.

"My feathers are making me hot."

"You mean your sweater?"

"Yeah."

"Then take it off."

"Good idea! _Brawwk!"_

Cho stared at Harry as he pulled the woolen sweater off to reveal a bright red shirt underneath.

"No! Let the bad color not be seen! It attracts them!" Cho cried.

Suddenly, owls off all different sizes and colors started attacking Harry, pulling at his shirt and knocking him over. Owl feathers were scattered all over the place. Harry shrieked as the owls pecked at him, their talons ripping at the red shirt.

Cho screamed, "Shoo! Fly! Don't bother me!"

The owls flew away.

* * *

**Our Note:** We have ripped some more movies in this chapter: _The Sixth Sense_ and _The Village._ We also used a quote from the Broadway musical _Into the Woods._ Could you tell?


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